Posts Tagged ‘Flares’


Just go crawl under a rock, buddy

August 22, 2008

So after the first date debacle, Flares claimed he didn’t remember any of the ridiculousness and after some thought I agreed to give it another shot. After all, the first date had been great for the most part. Our second date went well, as did our third. The third was at my house and he was a bit pushy sexually but I was OK with it.

Then came last night. I knew that Flares lives with a couple guys that work at my company. And I had met one of his good friends when the guy had followed my girlfriend Bubbles to a bar she was meeting us at. So there was definitely some overlapping of social circles.

Anyway, last night I was looking to get some drinks and Bubbles offered to meet me out. Flares said he was at a bar with some guys from my company and to meet him there. So we show up to this bar and Bubbles stepped away for a second. Immediately, Flares said “Bubbles and I hung out a few times.” That kind of stuff doesn’t bother me so I commended him on his good taste in women and strolled over to see my girl. Immediately, she says “I have a story for you.” I drag her into the bathroom and this is what she tells me: (B- if I get this wrong feel free to correct me)

About 2 years ago, Bubbles and Flares went on a few dates and everything went nicely. One night they met up at a bar and he was already trashed. She wasn’t really into the whole thing anyway and thought this was kind of crass and therefore, decided to call it a night. Flares insisted that he walk her home and eventually she agreed. When they got to her door, Bubbles went to say goodbye but Flares asked (as if it was insane that she hadn’t invited) if he could come upstairs. She said no and he then claimed that he needed to use the bathroom. She called him on using a lame excuse but reluctantly let him in anyway, telling him to pee and then get out.

Bubbles went into her bedroom and after a couple minutes, heard Flares sneaking around her apartment. She went to see what was going on and found him sprawled across the couch with his shoes and socks off. When he saw her, he patted the couch next to him (Side note: you have to see her do these hand motions. It cracks me up) motioning for her to join him. She said no and again he tried to get her over to cuddle/whatever with him. Eventually she got him to pick up his stuff and leave. As they were at the door, Flares leaned in to kiss her. Bubbles reacted by kicking him in the shin, shoving him out the door and slamming it shut.

So at this point, we were in the bathroom and I was laughing my ass off. Her story definitely trumped mine. Flares spent the rest of the night trying to explain himself away and I told him that he just needs to stop acting like that. Being the sweetheart that she is, Bubbles says that she thinks “he’s ultimately a nice guy.” If this story was it, all alone, I would understand. But I’ve had similar experiences with him and it’s just not sitting well. Oh well. Next!


He said what?!

August 22, 2008

I met Flares on Facebook. I randomly added him and then it turned out that we had so many connections it was a wonder we didn’t already know each other. So after a few very sporadic emails, he asked me to have a drink with him. I was anxious about it but agreed to meet him at a bar by my office on a Wednesday night.

The evening was turning out well. We got chatted away, eating and drinking for quite a few hours. Early on, he tried to switch from cocktails to beer but having just come from Vegas, I immediately started making fun of him and calling him various female accessories. So he switched to wine instead. (Yeah, yeah, like that’s better). At the end of the night, we were walking toward the cab stand and it was obvious Flares was drunk. He leaned over and said, “I’m coming home with you tonight.” I told him he wasn’t and he proceeded to try to convince me otherwise. We went back and forth for a bit when he decided to say, “I swear I have a big penis” and grabbed himself. I immediately shoved him in a cab and sent him on his way.

On the way home, he called me saying that he wanted to make sure I got home safe and to stay on the phone with him until I did so. I begrudgingly agreed and as we were chatting away, he called me Audrey. My name is absolutely nothing like Audrey. But I decided to ignore it nonetheless. Then he did it again. That’s when I hung up on him.